… A healthy development needs sufficient opportunities for successful interpersonal communication. Each one of us depends on coherent feedback from fellow human beings, especially from those we are emotionally close to. Through this feedback, we receive information about the other. We learn how they view us and what our social surroundings think. That in turn, we need for our own view on ourselves and the world to orientate and develop as long as we live in the best possible quality.
Therefore a constructive – takes to mean coherent – communication is an essential condition for our healthy mental and physical orientation in our world, internally and externally, and thus for our well-being.
As long as we live, we’ll need a constant update of our orientation. Only so we can develop a better understanding of ourselves and others, to turn to each other and communicate more often, experience who and what we like or don’t like and what we want or don’t want. Smaller as well as more significant challenges in social intercourse with us and others can then be mastered better and mean less stress for us. The degree of agreement with others ensures agreements that can lead to successful interactions.
To successfully communicate, it always takes at least two who are willing to achieve a good mutual understanding. If we add to the ideal idea of such an agreement a healthy portion of everyday life and the individual differences in experience, conception, physical sensation, in emotion and mood, then it is clear to us all from experience that communication – with all good intentions – isn’t always easy.
When the other can’t or doesn’t want to reach a social agreement with us, when the counterpart makes contradictory statements or uses confusing gestures, it becomes very hard or even impossible for us to figure the others clear position to the discussed matter. In the long run, we are denied the opportunity to address these contradictory statements. We then can’t work together with them to clarify things. So-called twin-messages or double binds are sand in the gear of our orientation and development.
“No human being can evolve its natural potential when their dignity is violated by either others or themselves.”
This can result in numerous problems for people who are affected by double bind and pathological narcissism (as victim as well as committor) in dealing with themselves and with others through insecurity and even traumatization, a hotbed of constant internal tension.
Therefore, the next tasks are:
- Check if you someone in your daily life is a double-binder. Good to read: Double bind on Wikipedia or Marie Hartwell-Walker, What I Said Isn’t What I Meant
- Inform yourself about narcissism. For example, on Wikipedia about narcissm or on the page of Katharina Schuldner about narcissm and the EDEN-programme: Recognize. Unmask. Unfold. Reorder.
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HeilÜben founder, coach, and trainer
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