… A healthy development needs sufficient opportunities for successful interpersonal communication. Each one of us depends on coherent feedback from fellow human beings, especially from those to which we are emotionally connected. Through this feedback, we receive information about our counterpart, about their view of us and the world around, which in turn we need for our view on ourselves and the world to orientate and develop as long as we live in the best possible quality.
Therefore a constructive – takes to mean coherent – communication is an essential condition for our healthy mental and physical orientation, internally and externally, and thus for our well-being.
As long as we live we’ll need a constant update of our orientation. Only so we are able to develop a better understanding of ourselves and others, to turn to each other and communicate more often, experience who and what we like or don’t like and what we want or don’t want. Smaller as well as more significant challenges in social intercourse with us and others can then be mastered better and mean less stress for us. The degree of agreement with others ensures agreements that can lead to successful interactions.
To communicate successfully, it always takes at least two who are willing to achieve a good mutual understanding. If we add to the ideal idea of such an agreement a healthy portion of everyday life and the individual differences in experience, conception, physical sensation, in emotion and mood, then it is clear to us all from experience that communication with all good intentions isn’t always easy.
When our counterpart can’t or doesn’t want to reach clarification with us, when the counterpart makes contradictory statements or uses confusing gestures it becomes very hard or even impossible for us to figure the others clear position to the discussed matter. In the long run, we are denied the opportunity to address these contradictory statements. We then can’t work together with them to clarify matters. So-called twin-messages or double binds are sand in the gear of our orientation and development. This can result in numerous problems for the victim of double bind in dealing with himself and with others through insecurity and even traumatization, a hotbed of constant internal tension.
Therefore, the next tasks are:
- Check if you someone in your daily life is a double-binder. Good to read: Double bind on Wikipedia or Marie Hartwell-Walker, What I Said Isn’t What I Meant
- Inform yourself about narcissism. For example, on Wikipedia about narcissm or on the page of Katharina Schuldner about narcissm and the EDEN-programme: recognize. unmask. unfold. reorder.
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All the best!