…From 1999 to 3/2001:
During those years, I’d still experience a few isolated and increasingly rare initial stimuli. They came in the form of a slight pulling in individual areas such as my hands, wrists, arms or feet. Using my exercises, I could stop them within minutes, just as one would relieve a cramp or a headache: as quickly as possible, not sometime later.
I observed that once I had taught myself to stop the initial stimuli, inflammation, pain, swelling, or restrictions on my movement no longer occurred.
The harmful tension that had previously made me so sick is something I stopped doing to myself after I healed my RA, as I can feel the first signs of it within my body in time, as an uncomfortable pulling sensation.
My constant mental growth and the growing pains of progression, as well as the joy of it, mean that I can perceive and act with a heightened level of awareness (handling the more difficult mental tasks of coming to terms with something, grieving, deciding to avoid or confront, seeking help from others, for example), before my tension has built up to a point where my body falls seriously ill again, preventing overload. The degree to which I am aware of the connection between deliberate sensing and acting and the relief of inner strain, and practise accordingly, determines how well I can help myself. In my view, this approach is appropriate to prevent me from falling ill with rheumatoid arthritis again.
With my return to health, the rheumatoid arthritis chapter closed as quickly as it had opened, and I rushed on with my life. I just forgot about the time spent with the disease.
Until my daughter asked …
At the beginning of 2010, I typed ‘rheumatoid arthritis’ into the computer keyboard for the first time and read up on how the disease progressed in countless other cases. The result shocked and saddened me.
And for a few seconds, a strong emotion found physical expression:
The familiar pulling sensation in my hand; my body spoke up:
“Listen to your soul.”
So I did and had to admit to myself: my body and soul still remembered the fear of the inflammatory pain, of the deep exhaustion that had followed the pain attacks, of the side effects of medication and inflammation, and of the frighteningly unpredictable occurrence of pain and swelling. Again, I was afraid of being so ill again and of feeling helpless at the mercy of the disease’s arbitrariness, like I had been back then.
As I became aware of the emotions my thoughts triggered, I relaxed, and the pulling subsided.
Though one’s awareness of the true worth of what it means to be healthy, as well as one’s self-exploration, can be heightened when challenged by suffering from a disease, the search for purpose, for more profound happiness, for meaning and success doesn’t require a sick body.
By the healing of my rheumatoid arthritis/chronic polyarthritis, I understand the absence of all related symptoms for over 24 years, which has allowed me unrestricted mobility since then. I believe that my HeilÜben exercises were just in time to prevent any permanent limitations.
Today, I have a healthier, more conscious influence on my body than before I healed my RA.
Forcing myself or forcing something through myself by tensing my body and allowing it to remain in that state overburdened me and made me ill. My alternative now was to treat myself more kindly, which helped me recognise and reduce excessive tension in a timely manner. This allowed me to approach and deal with life with less tension in a wide variety of situations.
Self-help against rheumatoid arthritis is serious self-development. It also trains other skills, such as commitment and perseverance. Beyond healing RA, those are essential skills for me today.
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